~WARNING: This Entry MIGHT Be Disturbing For Those Who Get Emotional And Such~

ok i'm just a little worked up so...yea...

well...it appears my sister, my mom, and i might have to move...agian *sighs* over a stupid arguement i had with my moms bf/x-bf where he said pretty stupid things to me (that i wasn't human, wasn't love by either my parents, that i didn't love my parents, that they rather have me disappear, ect) and lets just say, it put me in probably one of the biggest panic attacks i've had in years (yes i have anxiety >.< damn thing) and ended calling my dad who called my mom who called me then sent me off to stay with my grandmother and i guess while i was gone she had 'a talk' with him and...yea...no more Dan.

i THOUGHT everything was fine and dandy. my mom seemed somewhat ok, my sister was herself like always and i'm in the corner blaming myself for everything that happened and get haunted by his words (whatever, that's not new).

well guess what i was told shortly after i found out that my mom might not go back to him!? IT'S MY SISTERS AND MYSELF'S FAULT FOR THE FACT THAT SUPPOSIVLY CAN'T DATE EVER AGAIN!!! WHAT'S UP WITH THAT??? Yep...she was talking to my grandmother and one of my uncles while i just happened to be standing beside her and she says 'with the say Alex and Shelby are, i might not be able to date anyone again' but wait....there's MORE! she then turned to me and said 'and please dont think im blaming you and your sister for anyting' hmm...sorry mom. i love you an all but you pretty much did blame us for that -_- not like the whole deal did a good deal on my 'bad habbits list'.

i've ben going NUTS!!! for those that don't know my 'sectret' i'll say it flat out now...i use to injure myself. yes USE TO!! I DON'T DO IT ANYMORE!! SO PELASE DON'T GO ASKING ME WHY DID I DO IT AND SHIT, I DON'T WANT TO GO DOWN THAT PATH!!! *sighs* now htat i have that out...the whole 'blaming' and 'me not being human' thing has obviously been eating my brain and yes, i've considered my dumb habbits again, but of course i'm not going back to it (thank fully x3)

ok, i got off topic. the whole argument started...eh...about 3 months ago. well my mom told me today, like 45 minuts ago? i dunno, but we might have to move again...yea...without her shit head boyfriend she can't afford the house we have. it sucks. i can tell she's not completely happy anymore and the one thing i probably would say i want about anything else is for my family and friends to be happy. now that i see my mom on the possiblity line of not being happy i can't help but blame myself. yea, great huh? *sighs* it's driving me nuts. i don't know what else to do but to VENT it out here. i trust the people who do end up commenting this won't put rude comments...i appreciate comments if they're like...appropriate.

alright...i went on long enough, my head is spinning. thanks for reading whoever did.